PANDA BELIEVES

An Open Letter

Welcome to the Home of good deeds and other various rubbish. I want to make an urgent statement - it's not a rubbish, it's a masterpiece which was approved by Da Vinci. Since my bearded disciple is hiding somewhere, I will continue to speak without using "electric voice" programm for iPhone. Just want to say that I don't have any iPhone, because it is more profitable to buy a camel with a long banana in his big mouth. In general I'm a connoisseur of ancient methods, because mankind grows dull from newfangled smartphones. I think that it is more correct to carry an enema in the pocket. The fact of the matter is that, she is going to lay in your pocket and will whistle. Thus you will learn the Martians language and the need for the phone will disappear.

Have you noticed my subtle intellect and logic? To think as a professional I learnt from my physical culture teacher, from whom I was buying smuggled garlic. In those young years when I was a good boy and liked to eat a lot of good fish, I visited a theatrical circle. My task was to run after the teacher, who was dressed in a suit of squirrel and to shoot him from the stun gun and to grunt like a pig. I don't know, but I really didn't like to do it and I completed my learning in the theatre. I also learnt there to pour the juice and throw nuts into a black hat. Then I had to put it on my head and walk like a bull on two legs. There is something else that I learnt in the theater and here it is - I learnt to wear a stockings on my head and to run around the fire like aborigine. Now I'm thinking maybe it was not a theater club, perhaps it was a school of torture, which was chaired by the maniacs. Let's not talk about the past and rummage in grandmother's chest and better let's talk about the New Era.

Years later when I almost grew up, I became obsessed with different ideas. For example: I thought, that if I will put an empty plate with a note to the Santa Claus under the cobblestone, so the next day there will be a delicious tomato paste which I will eat. Another example: if I will hit an old oak tree by a leg, then the army of wooden products(a lot of Pinocchio) will come to my house and will judge me (and probably will eat all my cheese). So this retarded ideas wouldn't bother me anymore - I have poured whole pack of cornflakes into a black rubber boot and have placed it under the cobble stone, that the next day there will be money instead. After a while I started bodybuilding.

I made dumbbells of bricks and went into the garden to practice. In the garden, on the branches of the tree was sitting a panda and midget with a bucket was standing below. The panda bear was crying like a Virgin Mary and her tears were gathered by a midget who was pouring them on himself. I gas he was takin a shower. After a while the beautiful garden was demolished by bulldozers, the panda was sent to a psychiatric hospital and the midget was drafted into the army. To be honest I'm a bit embellished the story but what is the difference now. After a course of bodybuilding, I became obsessed with the idea to do some business. I still wanted to put under the cobblestone 100 dollars, so to come the next day to pick up another 100 dollars. As you understand there is supposed to lie 200. After all - this is very complex system to put something under the cobblestone and later on to come back to pick up everything you want under his body.

In 2008 I became obsessed with the Internet technologies. I remembered about Mr. Nobel and created the last Bastion of the Jury Members of this award and decided to sell potatoes, so yes, to receive the award. And so I'm being nominated for a Nobel Prize, but many nominees have shitted their pants and I have refused to take it in favor of poor people, farmers and gardeners. I made it for them to help with development of technologies in harvesting of sweet potato. After that, the site simply bacame just for fans of potato and for good people. Now I don't sell potatoes anymore, I'm watching the traffic of rubber dolls on the TV. They are transported around the World and sometimes I must to track all their movements.Consider, that it's my job, and couple of my projects in the field of Internet technologies. It is time for launching an online game, where you can donate money to the fund. My task is to collect a large sum of money and to save my father, who is working in Africa, as well as many other plans. By the way, a campaign (this is not the first campaign, they may occur as needed) to raise funds for the Panda, which was crying like a Virgin Mary is starting now. Anyway, it's not right when the Panda cries, because this critter is a happy animal. An old man blabbed out that she is locked in the dungeon (there are such seats on the Earth) and to save her, there is a need for a large sum of money, around 140 millions. To move her again to the garden.

I will need a wheelbarow and construction crane. She has to be placed back in the garden and a crane will be placed for this purpose too. So I'm gathering money and that's not so bad. The great Dostoyevsky asked to donate money too. The one who helps people in need is being blessed by God. So I ask you to help me. Let the garlic be with you, welcome to the Ship!

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